The next morning, she woke up coughing. Carolyn was spray painting shelves inside the apartment, turning everything this perfect, consistent shade of white. It reminded Pamela of her sister Jenny, who’d once gone through a phase of painting ceramic birds she’d gotten from thirft stores all white. Carolyn was methodical—painting wall shelves, scrubbing the bathroom for ages. When Pamela asked what she was doing, Carolyn just shrugged and asked, “Do you want to go to IKEA?”

And weirdly, Pamela said yes. They took buses—maybe two—to get there. Carolyn had it mapped out; she said it would be easy. In IKEA, she was on a mission—buying a lot of stuff to fix her place up, counting every item, tracking every dollar. Pamela remembered that clearly. And Carolyn got a hot dog, of course. She always did. So did Jenny. Hot dogs from gas stations, hot dogs from IKEA—it was their thing.

They shared a cab back into the city. Later that night, they met for dinner at a new little farm-to-table restaurant in Ridgewood, somewhere between their neighborhoods. Pamela couldn’t remember the name now, but maybe it was owned by the same folks who ran Norma’s, Carolyn’s local coffee shop. It had just opened. They ate, they talked, and for a moment, things felt light and whole.

Pamela thought they might’ve also spent the Fourth of July together, but she couldn’t place if it had been before or after that IKEA day. The memories blurred—folding into one another like a dream. But that day—Carolyn’s IKEA hot dog—it lived in her mind, quiet and strange. A snapshot of something that may have been one of the last times they were together on this earth.

Sarah Gerard: So I heard you and Carolyn had the same kind of bike? Can you tell me a little bit about how that happened?

Pamela Tinnen: She had this Nishiki, a blue Nishiki bike frame, and I don't know where it came from. I don't know if you can ask her dad if it was his or something, but I remember because Jenny was moving to Portland that summer around the same time. And Carrie had the bike first. And then when I got involved in that community and speaking with Robb, I got him to...I asked him what kind of bike I should get. And it so happened to be the same Nishiki, but the female version, the Step-Through. But that was the only one, that was what he had recommended. Because I am short and I needed a shorter bike and whatever. So it just sort of so happened that we ended up with matching bike frames.

Sarah Gerard: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Pamela Tinnen: But in my mind anyway, the fact that Carrie was already doing it, already had this bike that she had converted to fix, gave me kind of...because there was that whole thing of, "oh, it's so trendy" and like poo-poo, whatever. But she was kind of my excuse to feel a little bit more comfortable, like I would have somebody to ride with and we were doing it to together.

Sarah Gerard: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Pamela Tinnen: So that was in the background. And then I got a bike and Robb helped me convert it into a fixed gear, single-speed. And at that point it was becoming really popular. Everybody was riding those kinds of bikes.

Sarah Gerard: Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: And I don't remember... at the same time there was something with Abby Noriega, who I've mentioned her, but you should probably...maybe you want to talk to her because she will have stories probably of a more sober mind than mine of that time period that I think would be really good, probably. But she was the one that was hosting the vegan brunches...

Sarah Gerard: Right.

Pamela Tinnen: Because she's really into vegan stuff. So we would do bike rides and that was something that I remember we organized early on, and that blog will show probably some of the first things that will show you maybe what the dates were for that. But we started organizing Sunday rides that would end up at her house and she would for a $5 donation have this brunch spread and we would all eat at her house on [inaudible 00:02:32] Isle and have brunch. And there's a lot of pictures of... because there was one time in particular, and this would've been 2008, probably, it's always summer there.

Sarah Gerard: Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: So when I look at the pictures, I can't remember what is the time period, but there was one where we had the guys go onto the golf course and get coconuts.

Sarah Gerard: Oh yeah. I've seen pictures. I've seen pictures of this. Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: So they would always be a fun kind of ruckus.

Sarah Gerard: Do you think that's enough? Fifteen, fifteen? Because it's going to be like thirty. Yeah. All together.

Pamela Tinnen: Yeah. No, that's fine. I was just trying to figure out if I had cash, but I don't. [crosstalk 00:03:19]

Sarah Gerard: Yeah. I've seen pictures of the...

Pamela Tinnen: Yeah. So they were always at the golf course. That was one thing. So we were always doing...like I'm sure we were drunk in all of those kinds of adventures. Not when we were riding bikes, but the aftermath.

Sarah Gerard: Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: But it was very sort of innocent fun, like, "Oh, let's get into trouble by stealing coconuts from the golf course." You know? So there was always this sort of sweetness about it in my memory.

Sarah Gerard: Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: There was something with this girl, woman, Jen Norris.

Sarah Gerard: Sounds familiar.

Pamela Tinnen: She's a hairdresser now, but she's got full sleeve tattoos. She's a really pretty girl. With these, they're like violet eyes.

Sarah Gerard: Wow.

Pamela Tinnen: Very striking. But she was riding bikes and she was really fast and really competitive, but also really sweet and fun to be around. And she had been a part of that group for a while. And she had said we should start an all-girl group because it's intimidating. It's intimidating or whatever. So there was a conversation about that. And then we just were like, "let's just do it," you know?

Sarah Gerard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Pamela Tinnen: But it was less formal in the beginning. We just did...we were doing rides. I remember we would do a ride where nobody would get dropped because the guys did a tough guy ride on Tuesday nights, I believe.

And then we had a Wednesday night ride where nobody would leave you behind. And we would do that every week. And then there was the Sunday brunches and then it kind of turned into, "let's make cupcakes and go to the races," is kind of how it evolved. But it was really just a conversation at first.

Sarah Gerard: And then I know that afterwards, sometimes you would hang out at Cafe Bohemia, right? And would you just have cupcake sales there or was it more just like...

Pamela Tinnen: There was one race, and there's pictures that you've seen, where an after party at that was hosted there. So there was somebody, somebody was friends with, and I remember the guy who owned it, but I know Taylor was good friends with him.

So there was always... if you were organizing a race, you would find people in the community that would donate space or whatever, let you host something. So there was a existing sort of connection there. And that would be a place that we would go after the rides, and they were nice because they had beer, but they also had coffee and stuff. Because there were different kinds of people. Not everybody was drinkers on this ride, so going to a place where there was options. So we would host that and that was the thing. We would start at the 66 fixed bike shop, and then do a loop maybe around [inaudible 00:06:35] Aisle or whatever, and then end up there.

Or I remember having meetings there, where we would talk about staff members, write the mission statement or whatever. We might have been there.

Sarah Gerard: And then there was a space in Tampa by the Tampa Skate Park where you would go for workshops, right?

Pamela Tinnen: No, you were talking about the Tampa co-op.

Sarah Gerard: Yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: That was different. Lily Richardson, who's in Olympia now and really cool if you don't know Lily. I don't know how much she has to say about Carolyn, but she was a part of that whole community, but she is very feminist and sort of had a separate thing. She didn't dislike the skirts, but she wasn't as affiliated because she was like sort of, "we were trophy." We were like, "we're girls on bikes," and she was more serious about her feminism, which I respected even back then, but I was like, "but I just thought I was fun." And they ran...it was like a bike community workshop thing.

Sarah Gerard: Okay.

Pamela Tinnen: The skirts, when you see the pictures of the skirts doing stuff, we would go to those sometimes. But when you see the skirts, that was out of my garage, and that was my garage skirts.

Sarah Gerard: That was the Skirts Club? Okay, yeah.

Pamela Tinnen: So that was like a different thing. But all of those people in that community all will have memories with her that like I said, will be more sober and maybe objective because it blurs all together with me. But then I look back and look at the pictures and stuff, and we were really inseparable that whole year. I think we were just always together. So for me it becomes one memory, but for other people they'll have more distinct memories. Everybody thought I was her sister, too.

That's it for the story, probably, but there were people that I remember seeing years later that were insisting that we were sisters and I was like, "no, I'm here to tell you that I know that we're not."

Sarah Gerard: Yeah, yeah. It's funny because Jenny said the same thing, too. She was like to say that Pam is her best friend isn't exactly correct because she's more like a sister.

Pamela Tinnen: Aww, yeah. I think we look a lot alike and she used my ID all the time.

Sarah Gerard: Mm-hmm (affirmative) mm-hmm (affirmative)

Pamela Tinnen: But for many, for a variety of reasons, Carrie would always call me her sister, and...

Sarah Gerard: The age lines up, too.

Pamela Tinnen: What?

Sarah Gerard: The age lines up.

Pamela Tinnen: Yeah.

Carolyn Bush, March 21, 2009

I recently traveled to Cassadaga, a small town/ Spiritualist Camp in Central Florida where hundreds of psychics have flocked over the past few decades (yes, that is what the Bright Eyes album is named after).

The medium I met with said that Frankie came excitedly to the reading, laughing, and saying "It's so much fun when it's someone you know! It's so much fun when it's someone you know!" Though some may be skeptical, and while we won't know exactly what that means until we someday join him, I take great comfort in the thought of Frankie having a blast in the afterlife, delighting in making contact with his old friends and exploring all the things he couldn't explore before.

Of course, it doesn't at all surprise me. I regret that I didn't know Frankie very well, but I did watch him approach things with the utmost sincerity, innocence and humor. He once said of his job, "I just love the pizza industry."

I want to thank his family for bringing such a beautiful, good-hearted boy in to our lives. Though it is a truly tragic loss, I assure you that he has been and will continue to be a great source of enlightenment and joy for so many.

You and all of his loved ones are in my prayers.

Don, I tried to respond to your post but I had some technical difficulties. I will gladly sign that petition and will most likely get behind any legislative action in honor of Frankie.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

Carolyn

The Carolyn Bush Living Archive is a place for all things Carolyn. We collect, organize, and make accessible photographs, creative writing, oral histories, visual art, trial documents, and shared memories about and inspired by Carolyn Bush.

We welcome all to contribute submissions about Carolyn, anonymously or with credit given to the contributor, whichever is preferred.

We do not wish to be gatekeepers but rather a point of access for anyone who loved Carolyn or is curious to learn more about her, her life, and her work.

We consider the archive open source. Our intention is to include anything within reason so that the archive may live on, as dynamic and diverse in its content as Carolyn was during her time on earth.

Please share this project to help us achieve our mission of honoring the legacy of our dear friend. No matter how short or small the moment maybe, we would love to have it as a part of our collective story of the beloved Carolyn Hilton Bush.

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Carolyn’s Story

Born in Humble, Texas on November 19th, 1990, Carolyn Hilton Bush was a gregarious, ambitious,smart-mouthed poet —a tornado of charisma, style, wit and kindness. She is not the sort of person whose magnitude one can convey in a cocktail party anecdote, which is why we have conceived of this archive as a place for her dynamic presence to endure.

At the age of six, Carolyn’s family relocated to St. Petersburg, Florida where she was raised until moving to New York for college. She attended Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson and moved to New York City in 2012 to continue her education at the New School.

Carolyn loved books and read voraciously. She was forever engaged in the pursuit of knowledge and creative practice.

On the night of September 28, 2016, at the age of twenty-five, Carolyn Bush was brutally stabbed to death in her New York City apartment by her roommate. This archive is dedicated to keeping her luminous memory alive.

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Every dollar we receive—whether through subscriptions or donations—is used solely to support the operation of the Carolyn Bush Living Archive. This includes costs like web hosting, archiving materials, outreach, and related expenses that help preserve and share Carolyn’s story.

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